Jemma Harris 30th September 2022
Feeling alone but craving alone time
BEHIND GLASS, Lisa Sorgini 2022
For most, the new and exciting chapter of motherhood is an experience where there is an overwhelming feeling of joy, love and connectivity. While most mothers often feel these emotions, the neglected emotion of loneliness often goes unmentioned.
The feeling of isolation in the early stages of motherhood is not often discussed; research conducted by Action for Children discusses that 52% of new parents feel socially isolated and lonely (Mclaren, Never Alone But Always Lonely: The Social Isolation of Being a New Mother, 2018). At a period in life where it feels like there is no time for yourself, it becomes easy for mothers to neglect their own needs as they are now responsible for a baby that is entirely dependent on all the decisions you make. It is hard for new mothers to combat this feeling and emotion of loneliness as they are immersed in a period where they spend every day with their new baby. While this may seem like a time when you shouldn’t feel alone, they have now been disconnected from their past normalities that they would have experienced at social outings or in the workplace.
For many, the first few weeks of motherhood are an abundance of friends and family visiting and supporting you while you adapt to the new stage in your life. As time passes, engaging with these activities becomes more challenging as your priorities shift. Meanwhile- friends, family and colleagues continue with their day-to-day life. There is room to adapt, your time now revolves around your baby’s nap and feeding time, so it becomes more difficult to work in with the “real life schedule” of friends and family. This often leads to disorientation and loss of self, where many women experience an identity shift that leads new mothers to grieve who they were and the life they had before motherhood.
BEHIND GLASS, Lisa Sorgini 2022
Sydney artist Lisa Sorgini (Sorgini, 2022) engages with the relationship between mother and child and explores societal perceptions often far from lived experiences. One of her works ‘Behind the Glass” aims to offer a creative and cultural body of work motivated by the need to make the unseen parenting role visible. This series follows a series of photographs where the windows act as a barrier. Sorgini explains that these windows hold “enormous and messy emotions” of looking after children as an aquarium for emotions.
Confinement, isolation and remaining homebound are not an uncommon feeling for mothers; however, Lisa exacerbates this feeling that was felt during the recent Covid 19 Pandemic. The idea of Lisa’s series was born of the lockdown, however, is an issue that has stemmed for mothers far before we were struck by this pandemic.
This body of work's goal was to visualize the unseen role of parenting during a period of isolation where the feelings of frustration, fear, despair and dullness. Sorgini wanted the images to speak broadly of the maternal experience where women are in an intense inward world detached from social norms, expected to keep their sanity. Although the pandemic took a harsh toll on all families, it allowed mothers to join through a collective experience and the world to understand the concept of loneliness and isolation mothers have been feeling for years. The work produced by Sorgini allows for the unseen to be seen, providing a comforting reassurance for mothers to join through a collective experience.
The most common and desirable solution mothers seek social interactions through are Mother’s groups, playgroups, mum’s and bub’s class or returning to work earlier than they expected so they can experience some normality. However, while these are great for creating friendships with likeminded people and allowing for your child to interact with other kids, the demand of this being a mother’s only form of social connection becomes intimidating, when you are lacking sleep and working the regular job of being a parent. Given the role a mother plays in shaping the well-being of their child, there must be an increased effort in order to understand and alleviate the loneliness and social isolation of new mothers feel (Mclaren, 2018).
There are many ways to combat these feelings in the early stages of motherhood that can help to ease the transition into this new lifestyle. Weaving socialising into your daily errands with close friends or family can be a great way to get your mundane tasks done but also feel as though you are making time to see your friends. This can be as simple as making the effort to go grocery shopping with someone instead of ordering online, finding a friend to walk with when trying to settle your baby, finding a quiet place outside or a comfortable space in your home that you can sit and breastfeed and call a friend or reaching out to either family or friends to come and help you with tasks that need to be done at home.
Motherhood isn’t something to do alone; reaching out to your network, big or small, is one of the most important things to remember to keep your physical and mental well-being at its best. The feeling of isolation as a new mum is familiar, so we need to emphasise the importance of sharing bonds and relationships with other women in the same position. Being able to relate to someone allows for a safe space to talk without feeling as if what you are going through is not validated.
Mothers are looking out at a world they may not fully be able to participate in, but we cannot mistake this for them being prisoners. For most, they have chosen to cease the normality of life for a moment. It is essential for people to understand the effect of this but also remember that most mothers yearn to be precisely where they are. If the article resonates with your experience of motherhood, reach out.
Bibliography
luscombe, B. (2020, May 8). 'You Feel Trapped and Overwhelmed': Mothers Understood Isolation Before the Pandemic. Retrieved from TIME: https://time.com/5832733/motherhood-isolation-photos/
Mclaren, L. (2018, March 22). The excruciating loneliness of being a new mother. Retrieved from Todays parent : https://www.todaysparent.com/baby/postpartum-care/the-excruciating-loneliness-of-being-a-new-mother/
Mclaren, L. (2018, March 8). Never Alone But Always Lonely: The Social Isolation of Being a New Mother. Retrieved from Samuel centre for social connectedness: https://www.socialconnectedness.org/never-alone-but-always-lonely-the-social-isolation-of-being-a-new-mother/
Sorgini, L. (2022). Lisa Sorgini . Retrieved from https://lisasorgini.com/behind-glass
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